I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
