Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
