When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
