Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
