at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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