I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
