Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
