This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
