ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Everclear isn't food dammit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
