My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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