dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
