Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
