everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Randomize
