while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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