I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
