i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
