its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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