Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
