around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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