If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
