i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
sarcasm needs its own font
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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