WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This is my gift to your gina
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
