I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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