I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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