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I accidentally had phone sex last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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