Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
