why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
