This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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