How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
