My friends, they love my intelligence
"it" just moved
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
