do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
