I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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