I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
