I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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