The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
