I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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