He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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