Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
