We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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