just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
