Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
