how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
