apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
