waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
