oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
