He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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