u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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