i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
