my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize