i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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