So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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