got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Mom said you looked used
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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