I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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