Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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