I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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