Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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