Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
