like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
