You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
