I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
