there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
