Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize