coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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