rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
