I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
