First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
