dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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