I wish I could punch you in the face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
