SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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