it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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