I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
