Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
