I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
