Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
