Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
