Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
