My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
not ubering you a puppy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
