Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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