Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
