My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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