So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
